Words have power. Whether spoken or written, the words we say make a difference to people around us, and we need to be responsible for them. If we're going to put something out there--OWN IT!
For instance, I went to Cooper's first piano lesson. In the piano room where he had his lesson sat Cooper, his cute teacher Mandie, Mandie's mom Tena, and myself. The lesson went great until Cooper had to scoot down to play "Hot Cross Buns" on the lower keys. In the process of scooting, Coop lost a little control and broke wind--loudly. Coop looked up at me in embarrassment and without missing a beat exclaimed, "MOM!" as if it was me! I didn't know what to do. I was laughing so hard that he'd done it in the first place, but when he tried to pawn it off on me, I laughed even harder! I finally regained my breath and told him not to blame it on me. What's the famous line--whoever smelt it, dealt it? Coop needs to own up.
On a larger scale, we shouldn't put anything out into the world unless we are prepared to own it. A year and a half ago some kids at my son's high school decided it would be funny if they wrote an anonymous blog about other kids at the school. It was highly mean spirited and hurtful. When Dillon stood up to these anonymous bloggers to defend his friend, they immediately focused their attention on him. What they wrote was cruel and demeaning in every way. As parents we felt helpless that we couldn't protect our son from these cowardly cyber-bullies. If this had happened to me in high school, I'm not sure if I would have returned to school. He claimed it didn't bother him and those people were idiots. He seemed to brush it off and not give it a second thought. Although the blog continued a while longer, it eventually ended with the end of the school year.
Last month, my son received a text message from an old friend from high school. After exchanging niceties, the boy said that he had something to tell Dillon and he wasn't sure he was going to like it. He admitted that he and his friend wrote the blog and said he felt horrible about it, especially what they had written about Dillon. Dillon was surprised by the boy's admission, but more surprised by how he felt about it. He said he felt an instant forgiveness for this boy and had no hard feelings against him. This boy has recently given Dillon the access to this blog and Dillon has removed all the hurtful messages except for the one written about him. He also wrote his own post on this blog sharing his feelings about how this experience has affected him. I'm very proud of how he has handled this.
But here's what's interesting. Dillon said that while on the blog, he was able to view all of the incoming emails and responses. He was surprised at how many people were willing to spill hurtful information about their friends. He also saw the protests of people who pleaded with these bullies to end their mean posts. One person even said that he was glad he was a "nobody" because if the blog was about him he'd probably kill himself. While many of these emails had names attached, the majority of them were also anonymous. I think this speaks to the character of these individuals. I can only hope that most of them have improved since leaving high school. I am also very proud of the boy who had enough guts to apologize to my son and own up to what he had done. I'm sure that wasn't easy to do. But he owned it, and now he can move on.
This makes me evaluate what I'm "putting out there". It's not always easy for me to hold my tongue when I feel the need to share my feelings. But I can keep working on it right? Maybe we all should. So whether it's claiming our own toots, sticking your foot in your mouth or declaring your opinions, we need to be able to be responsible for what we've said or done. Personally I'm trying to follow the advice that Thumper's father gave to him that "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". However, I would suggest that a slight eye roll is sometimes necessary.
